COLLEGE SPORTS NICKNAMES

COLLEGE SPORTS NICKNAMES

An earlier column examined New Hampshire high school sports nicknames and identified Franklin’s Golden Tornadoes as the top nickname in the state.

Now we turn our attention to colleges.

New Hampshire colleges have unremarkable nicknames like Wildcats (UNH), Panthers, (Plymouth State), Owls (Keene State), and Hawks (St. Anselm). And worst of all, the lamentable and nebulous Big Green of Dartmouth College. “Indians” was much better.

I have nothing against Lions, Falcons, Bears, Cardinals, Cougars, Bobcats or Tigers—other than they are blasé and say nothing about the institution. For example, MIT’s teams are the Engineers. That makes sense. Ditto for Purdue University’s Boilermakers.

There are some interesting nicknames. Muhlenberg College has the Mules. Maine’s Colby College has the White Mules. But how about the “Golden Mules?”

Earlham College featutes the Hustlin' Quakers. I like that almost as much as I like Wilmington College’s Fighting Quakers, which is a bit oxymoronic, given that Quakers are ostensibly pacifists.

Campbell University has the Fighting Camels. Alliteration has its place, as with Canisius College’s Golden Griffins.

Coastal Carolina University has the Chanticleers. As I doubt that many readers know what a Chanticleer is, I’ll share that it’s a proud and fierce rooster who dominates the barnyard.

(I think I’d rather be a Chanticleer than a Mule.)

Eastern Arizona College players are Gila Monsters. Nice. But you have to love Evergreen State College’s Geoducks. These are not birds, but rather the world’s largest clams, weighing three pounds on average, and often unable to fit within their own shells.

Idaho has the Vandals, apparently honoring of the Germanic tribes that sacked Rome.

Larry Bird’s alma mater, Indiana State University has the Sycamores. But who wants to be a tree?  (This is almost as bad as Big Green.)

Athletes at Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne are Mastodons. (At the risk of being sexist, I wonder if the female athletes at IPFW want to be Mastodons.)

Lincoln Memorial University has the Railsplitters. Cool. As is Marshall University’s Thundering Herd. (But what do you call a single Marshall player?)

Duke’s Blue Devils may be NCAA men’s hoop champs, but North Carolina’s Tar Heels are cooler.

Ohio Northern University has the Polar Bears. Huh?  Must be extremely northern Ohio. Ohio State University’s Buckeyes are named after a flowery shrub, that Ohioans claim is really a tree, which still makes the nickname almost as bad as Sycamores.

Sports squads at Rhode Island School of Design are known as the Nads. Go Nads! Saint Peter's College in New Jersey has the Peacocks and Peahens—obviously genderized. And if Notre Dame can have the Fighting Irish, then Yeshiva University can have the Maccabees, aka the Fighting Jews! And speaking of fighting, consider Ohio Valley University’s Fighting Scots or Ohio Wesleyan University Battlin' Bishops.

Oklahoma has the Sooners—named after cheats who claimed land in Oklahoma before they were supposed to. OU players may as well claim to be the Oklahoma Cheaters.

Apparently “Golden is Good,” as in Golden Bulls (Johnson C. Smith University), Golden Tornadoes (Geneva College), Golden Gusties (Gustavus Adolphus College), Golden Eagles (John Brown University), Golden Flashes (Kent State University),Golden Hurricane (Tulsa), or the Golden Tigers (Tuskegee University).

Finalists …

After extensive review and considerable thought, the finalists in the nickname competition included the Green Terror (McDaniel College), the Prairie Wolves (Nebraska Wesleyan University), the Pygmies (New Mexico Mining & Technology), the Hardrockers (South Dakota School of Mines and Technology), the Mad Hatters (Stetson University), the Hokies (Virginia Tech), and the Horned Frogs (Texas Christian University).

But ultimately, the clear winner had to be the Flaming Smelts of Shimer College. What could possibly top a Flaming Smelt?